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I will not bend to you.I will not be the one to waver this time.
Although my strength will not last long,
and I will eventually break,
I will not bend to you.
I will do what is right this time.
The proper way.
And only then will I come to you
but not for forgiveness,
because I did nothing wrong.
I will come to you to see if our friendship is as true as you say it is.
If it is, then we have no problem,
but if it's not then I will not apologise.
I will not beg.
I have my family here for me
for when it does hit me,
and even if we are friends still, I will not come to you for help.
My family have been at my back since it began.
They will be my rock.
Go AwayIt wont stop.
Why wont it stop?
I thought things were supposed to get better.
But it still hurts.
More for me to destroy.
I can't stop.
I don't mean to be this way.
I tried to get better.
But I'm still hurting you.
Run while you still can.
It hurts so bad
Right in my heart.
But I will smile for you.
Because you are happy.
Finally you are happy again.
Home.It's a lingering feeling on the egde of my memory, about to tip and be lost forever.
I don't want it to go, but I can't quite catch it.
I have no sense of belonging.
Maybe if I vanished for a long time, then came back, everything would be right again.
No one would remember me and I would be able to start again.
Start all over.
Yeah, I'd like that.
Be able to build my home from scratch.
The place that I would belong.
Instead of it lying, crumbled and broken around me.
I just want to go home.
I don't know where it is anymore.
I just want to belong.
MotherThe most heart wrenching thing in the world.
Is hearing someone cry, with all their heart, for their mother.
But what's worse is when you know,
their mother can never call back their name.
That she'll never be there to hold their hand.
Wipe their tears.
Or whisper "I love you" as they fall asleep.
Rikku Meme1) Choose one of your own characters (OC).
2) Make them answer the following questions.
3) Then tag three people.
4) Feel free to add some questions of your own.
1) What gender are you?
Rikku: Female. Duh.
2) What is your age?
3) Do you want a hug?
Rikku: Come near me and I'll shoot yer face off.
4) Do you have any bad habits?
Rikku: Shooting people and drinking too much. And speeding.
5) What is your favorite food?
Rikku: Apples. Or pizza. Either or. Never mixed. Ew.
6) What is your favorite ice-cream flavor?
7) Are you a virgin?
Rikku: I'm not allowed to answer that one, my sister will kill me.
8) Have you killed anyone?
Rikku: Who hasn't?
9) Do you hate anyone?
Rikku: I dislike Scarlet. She does my tits in. And Jake. And Bill.
10) Do you have any secrets?
11) What is your favorite season?
Rikku: Summer, I can work on my bike all day.
12) Who is your best friend(s)?
Rikku: I'm not sure.. Does Nightingale count? Or Tequilakage. My drinking bu
The War Ain't OverThe war's never over
Its always just beginning
Thinking of all the battles I've lost
Sends my brain spinning,
But the war ain't over
That much I know
So there's a chance I could take the reigns
And then I'd never let 'em go
But right now's another battle
Another hour of pain,
The enemies siege
When my smile started to wane
Under the crushing blows
Their words did to me
Though I suppose
I should be glad they weren't
Sticks and stones
Cause then where would I be?
And as my embarrassment mounts
Then comes their cavalry
Stabbing at what's left of my gaiety.
I call for a retreat
Cut the losses of my pride
Run back for shelter
And merely try to hide,
But waiting there's an ambush
Another standing infantry
All their guns dutifully
Pointing towards me.
I stand and accept their fire
Where else am I meant to go?
Here was supposed to be safe
This castle was supposed to be home.
So I pull myself together
I stride through their screams
Trying not to fall apart
Whilst they rip me to seams.
And the d
the design in the starsyou decided a long
time ago, a long time
before it affected your
sight to remember me -
before it throbbed
inside you when someone
uttered my three-syllable
name; oh Tangerine -
that only will you
fight when I widened
the perimeters of
your sore-sighted faults.
you didn't know yet, no-
you were only
suckling at the idea of
changing the world and
looking down at my crawling endeavors
to walk before my
patellas were ready.
I heard them scream
when I was seven, the skin
above them reddened with
the purple of a betrayed
sweet lover, does the color wheel
work backwards where I'm from? I was already
so cold, spinning like
the rebellion of an odd
tiny magnet in a terrorist
field. my darling,
do the Sufis miss my
sleepless, praying nights to you?
tell my stories still, even
after you disappeared? my love,
do they still wait
for death to follow me?
you were always gold; summer
skeletons lay still and dusted
in my closet for you. I did not
leave you in my being
a bubble of silence
no words, no
loud enough to erase
while I step on my own reflection
in the cold concrete.
a shadow of quiet
no flames, no
deep enough to hide
while I rest near the roots
of a dead willow tree.
diagnosed by the doctor who smelt of beer and stale sweat.
when you told your friends they shrugged and said
"everyone has it,"
and so when they spent the night and you lay awake
you assumed that their silent sleeping was simply caused by them being in a different house.
your sheets are stained with the nightmares you couldn't wake up from
after you took the pills the doctor gave you to sleep.
when you woke up in the morning and the thought of school sent you into panic attacks.
you are a better ghost than you are a human being,
noticed when you began tearing at the skin around your nails
and obsessively organising your books on the desk.
she says she thinks it is just your mind letting society in,
but i cannot breathe in shopping centres,
and i spend concerts planning escape routes in case someone were to have a gun.
rediagnosed by teachers as lazy,
and by lovers as too tired.
an umbrella term you are learning means wanting to step in front o
WallsIt started with me running
My feet hitting the ground with purpose in every step
My toes touching grass and my legs never tiring
I was moving
I was a child with no sense of direction but no cares to give about where I was going
I just wanted to go somewhere, and I wanted to tell people about what I was seeing
I was seeing sky, and friends, and school, and books
Life, and love, and laughter
I always dreamed big and never accepted any less than the best
But then dreams shifted into expectations
Next came standing
My feet were planted in place like the flowers I used to pluck the petals from
Counting off loves-me-not’s for every person I knew until the flowers became convincing
Loves-me-not, loves-me-not, loves-me-not
Until the petals piled up into a wall, my first
Loves-me-not, loves-me-not, loves-me-not
And I could no longer see the sun rise
Next came kneeling
Down on my knees, spitting out prayers from my lips and letting confessions drip from my eyes
Wishing that my love-me-not&
Self-CondemnTake breaths to set the baggage down,
The silence is a welcome sound,
You cannot hold their fears and frowns
And let them all be free.
No one can win if you are bound
Within their problems - spinning 'round,
Each situation just compounds
And makes you want to flee.
Perhaps it's best to empathise,
Send them love and realise
That they must open their own eyes
If they wish to live.
For taking on their pain and ties
Shall bring about your swift demise
And you're the only one who dies
With nothing left to give.
Do not gather - you must cease!
To cause yourself acute disease,
Just because you gave release,
From all that bothered them.
There's only one you need appease,
So grant yourself a new life's lease,
And find some comfort; moment's peace,
No longer self-condemn.
The Breaking Strainsinking into the inky abyss of subconscious,
a deep gravity of uncertainty amidst the obvious,
a shallow pit filled with the waters of regret,
mistakes and promises to block out the sun overhead,
a deep shadow of agony to fill the bottomless void,
punctuated by the shrill cacophony of a beating heart,
gasping for air as the whispers fill your lungs,
and rip forth from them the breath of a new day,
struggling in discontent between screams and panicked breaths,
a mocking joke of life to pull oneself from drowning
Built For ItI'm wary of heights
and cheap rides
and the way pretty people talk
I've seen things lifted
and exalted and excited
and I've seen things fall
I was someone else's
and I was going away
and even though I was
up every night with you
I wasn't supposed to fall
I was yours
and I thought we were happy
but her name was whispers
and though they were in your ear
you weren't supposed to fall
We were each other's
and it had been years
and finally I was safe,
we weren't supposed to fall
So keep your heights
and dirty thrills
and pretty faces that will never love me,
I don't want to fall
but I'm made for it.
Don't hate meYou’re too stupid to understand that I roll my eyes at your comments. You’re too busy explaining why I’m so unlovable that you fail seeing that I don’t care about your opinions. I’ve lost all of my respect for you your drunken asshole… the respect I once had for you is long gone but still it hurts. Listening to when you tell me that I will never be anyone. That I will never find anyone who wants me because I’m stupid, unwanted and a failure straight through. Do you know that I’ve cried because of your words?
You destroy me a little bit every time even though I know better than to believe in what you say. Usually I find it flattering when people tell me about my flaws and usually I tell them that at least I’m human enough to treat others well but you’re family. I know you’re not my mother or my father but you’re supposed to love me because of who I am – your blood flows through my veins.
Killing me.I've felt heart break before.
There's so many different kinds.
When someone close dies.
It's like a part of you dies with them.
When a friend walks out of your life.
It's like a part of you left with them.
But the worst kind I've ever felt.
Is watching you with them.
I get it though.
I don't love me.
And that's how I understand why you don't either.
Hath No FearGiving yourself completely up to fear is kinda like falling in love: You can't pin point exactly when it started and by the time you realize that you are surrounded by that sensation it's already game over. Just like the image of the person you are in love with starts creeping out from every unexpected corner, fear never leaves your side when you give it a welcome stay. After a restless sleep, it starts beating anxiously in your heart the moment you wake up in the morning and commands all your thoughts and actions throughout the day. It is nothing short of a prison, except you are the only inmate and the warden never takes a break. Ever.
I do not exactly remember when I let fear occupy my being but I remember the exact moment when I realized I was ruled by it. It was late in the afternoon, everybody was out there 'getting busy living' and I had locked myself inside my bed half awake, not particularly finding any valid reason to get out of it. Then I was awakened from a nightmare by my
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Lilyas has dedicated herself to making our community a brighter place with her vibrant artwork and infectious enthusiasm for interacting with others in our community. It has certainly paid off, as many deviants flock to her page on a daily basis to let her know how much of an inspiration she is. We absolutely agree, and couldn't let all that hard work go without recognition, so it's with great pride that we bestow the Deviousness Award for March 2014, to ... Read More