It hurts so bad
Right in my heart.
But I will smile for you.
Because you are happy.
Finally you are happy again.
I'm Fine.Has anyone ever told you that you're amazing?
Everyone tells me that because of the help I give.
Let me help you, because I'll be fine.
Perfectly fine. Trust me.
Maybe not perfect, but i'll get by.
Everyone else comes first.
Lies.All those lies I told you.
"My day went great."
"Its not as bad as it looks"
"Trust me I'm fine."
"This is the best thing to do."
I'm sorry for them.
I'm sorry for all the hurt I put you through.
I'm sorry for whinging all the time about the trivial stuff.
I'm sorry for pushing you away.
I didn't want to hurt you.
Or make you worry about me.
I wanted you to be happy all the time.
It was your smile I cherished the most.
Those lies didn't help.
They just made things worse.
So I'll tell one more lie, then I'm done.
Then you can be done with me.
I don't love you anymore.
For you.Each day that passes,
I miss you more and more.
I feel my heart is dying
and I just can't ignore
the feeling of loss without you around.
I'm still up here walking,
but you're in the ground.
I would trade everything
to spend one more day with you.
To look into your eyes once more,
their deep loving blue.
To feel your hand on my hand,
to see that smile of pure joy.
I miss you so much.
My number one boy.
I feel my heart is breaking without you here.
I miss the feeling of safety whenever you're near.
Why did they have to take you?
Why did I have to lose you?
The feelings of loss are so fresh and clear.
I miss your arms being around me
I miss your hands caressing my face.
but I'm still here.
And you're in a better place.
Please let me come with you.
I'd like it there more.
Me and you together.
Just like before.
Please read this before you chose to die
It happens sometimes when you least expect it. The feeling you get when your mind is shrouded in the fogs of your mind, you've suspended your life within the vines. You don't care whether you live or die - though you'd much rather die than live. It's what happens when you least expect it to, when you expect yourself to be a friend and not the very thing that sends you over the edge. You wonder what it would feel like to drain your blood and let the cold set in, what would happen if you closed your eyes, would you go to a world that was purely yours? Would you finally be happy, would you finally be able to not fake a smile? You know your parents would miss you, but you don't really care that much about it do you? You already took your life, what's done is done. Now go explore, go have some fun! Fly off the tallest mountain that only took you seconds to climb. Watch an endless sunset till the ends of time. This is what you've always wanted, this is what you've always dreamed, but you cou
Smosh and Me! Chapter 18Chapter 18: An Awkward Situation
I sat watching television with Anthony laughing and smiling as he told me how many times Ian would fail on videos when they first started. "Ha! Really? He would get embarrassed when he'd mess up?" Anthony laughed, "Ha! Yep! It was hilarious!"
"Maybe for you?" Yawned Ian. I jumped up and ran over to him impulsively, he smiled at me and I blushed, that smile still made me blush. The way he smiled, his stubbly beard surrounding it, it made his teeth sparkle. "Are you feeling better?" I asked him, hoping the distress was gone. He nodded and kissed me, "Thanks to you and Anthony!"
Anthony got up and walked toward us, "Where's my kiss Ian?" he laughed. Ian shoved him softly as he and I laughed. I looked at the clock, "Man, it's only two o'clock!" I complained. They both laughed. Anthony ran over by the Xbox and pulled out three controllers. I jumped up and down with joy, "Yay! I love games!" I yelled with happiness.
We sat down and played all of their games,
Smosh and Me! Chapter 7Chapter 7: I Knew It!
I opened my eyes to find myself laying on the couch, then, as I slowly moved, I realized there was an arm around me. It was not just anyone's arm though, it was Ian's! "Oh my gosh! Did we fall asleep together in each other's arms?!" I thought to myself.
"Oh, good morning." Ian yawned. I started to blush, "G...good morning." I managed to say. Ian chuckled and pulled me close to him. He hugged me tight and smiled.
"Woah!" Anthony yelled shockingly, "What happened between you two last night?" He mused. "I'll tell you later, ok?" replied Ian. Anthony smirked. I got up from the couch and yawned, "Good morning Anthony." "Good morning Brandy." He smirked.
After fully waking up and taking a shower, I walked out to find the two guys sitting on the couch talking. "I feel refreshed now" I exclaimed. Anthony smirked at me, I just smiled and looked at Ian, "Hey Ian, can I talk to you real quick?" I asked kind of blushing.
"Of course!" He shouted in his gay guy voice, I just gi
Kiss Me BloodyKiss me bloody.
Kiss me raw.
Slap me around.
Kick my jaw.
Kiss me stupid.
Kiss me sweet.
Cut my chest open.
Red lines so neat.
Kiss me stoned.
Kiss me bruised.
With a baseball bat.
Or steel toed boots.
Kiss me deadly.
Kiss me silent.
Kiss me secret.
Kiss me violent.
Kiss me lovely.
Treat me right.
Slit my throat.
Kiss me goodnight.
SupernovaShe only ever wanted a real reason to scream, collecting her tears in jars and hiding them behind Poe and Hemingway; she secretly hoped for an ocean to call her own. She would name it after an aged bird spirit, pain manifested in many a Gods imagebelieving our vast universe formed by the callused hands of artists.
"They must have a sick, twisted sense of humor." she said, eyes on the moon.
And I asked her "Who?" curious, because I'd yet to figure her out.
"The Gods; they give dead stars the prettiest of names."
Carry Me?Why don't you carry me?
I can't move on, I can't live on without you. You're my muse, you're my other half.
"I'm going to do it." She spoke to me from the internet, "I'm going to end it. I don't want to worry anymore. I don't want to worry about my future. I don't want to worry about living up to the expectations of those I love."
I stared at the screen in shock, wondering if she meant. Surly, she didn't? I whispered out my reply as I started typing it out, "No " I typed out, "You'd be hurting me...so fucking much...if you left. It sounds selfish...but you know what...I'm a selfish person when it comes to those I love. I love you too much to let you go. I will never leave you before you're ready. I promise. Oh God...just please...don't do this. It hurts even talking about this...I can't live without you. You're everything to me. You are strong. You WILL survive. We'll grow old and die together. Please, honey, don't do this."
I can hear the voices, begging you
You have out-grown
Yourself, and these
Childish notions of
Monsters in the closet.
She holds her breath
Until the sun rises,
Because no one taught her
How to sleep
With her eyes closed.
There is this
Delusion about you;
A belief that if
You stay awake,
There will be no darkness.
It is damaging you.
Cold and silent,
With her darkened fantasies,
And remembers a time
When she was not-so-
Into unrecognizable shards.
You have found your only
From all the lifetimes
Too fearful to live.
Too lost in your waking dreams
To see new realities.
It will all
Be over soon.
Someone Like YouI can't stay away from you
We can't fight this
There' something more...just under your skin
The traces of your fingertips across my shoulders
My neck, my mouth
A thumb pushing away the saltwater on my cheeks
Your mouth turned down in frustration, and telling me you don't understand
But you don't say a word
You see the scratches on my arms
And you do speak now, and you ask me why I would do this
You pull the words out of me with no effort
My heartbroken story
How he left me
The first time I tried to end myself
The day I met you
The second time I tried
How you saved me
You manage to glue this broken girl together
Just a brush of your hands unravels her
You don't care
Because you love me
The WallI thought I meant something to you
Once, I watched for you out a window.
Once, I watched for you through a computer screen.
Once, I watched for you from beyond a door.
You meant something to me
I thought we had something
Once, I waited for you behind a window.
Once, I waited for you behind a computer screen.
Once, I waited for you behind a door.
You were everything to me
I thought it would go on forever
Once, I wondered if I would always watch for you out the window.
Once, I wondered if I would always watch for you through a computer screen.
Once, I wondered if I would always watch for you from beyond a door.
You were forever in those moments
Now I just think
Did you watch for me from behind the window?
Did you watch for me from behind a computer screen?
Did you watch for me from behind a door?
I don’t think so
Is it any wonder
That I stopped waiting out of windows
That I stopped waiting through computer screens
That I stopped waiting beyond doors
Why would I bother
Not just thos
WondermentSome days, I find myself
the s e c o n d s
of my heart
what I could have
and a lot
l e s s
but all I can manage
. . . . . . .
I miss you
I love you
i love you
i love you
Am I Lying?My roommate thinks I'm straight;
I haven't told her differently,
And I wonder...
Am I lying?
I use gender neutral pronouns when speaking of my ex;
She changes them to "he" in her responses,
And I wonder...
Am I lying?
We share close living spaces and talk about girl stuff;
She has no clue that I like girls,
And I wonder...
Am I lying?
Four Hundred miles away, and no one knows;
I haven't told anyone,
And I wonder...
Am I lying?
Smosh and Me! FinalChapter 21: Anthony's P.O.V Joy!
I stood next to Ian as he was fiddling with his tie, "Anthony! You made it to tight now!" he yelled. I chuckled and ran over to help him fix his tie, "Cant fix your own tie, that's a major fail man." I laughed. He laughed sarcastically and told me, "I'm nervous man! It's my wedding day!" His eyes then got wide, then he chuckled, "Wow, I'd never thought I'd say that." I smiled at him, he finally was in joy! I watched him day dream as I finished with his tie, "Alright, now we go to altar and wait at the end of the isle." I announced.
Ian happily sighed and walked out of the room, I followed right behind. As we entered the room everyone turned back to look at us, all of our friends and family were there, and of course Brandy's. I saw all of them flash a smile at Ian, and giving him approving looks. There were the occasional stares of Brandy's friends, some of her friends were fan-girls of Ian and I, then of course, there were some glares, but Ian was joyou
Smosh and Me! Chapter 16Chapter 16: It Was All Great Until...
I opened my eyes and stared out in the sun-lit room, I immediately was shocked when two things came to my realization. I wasnt on the floor, I was sleeping on Ian's soft and comfortable bed, and that I had woken up in Ian's wonderful arms again. I blushed, "Gosh darn it Brandy!" I started to think to myself, "Stop blushing! He is your boyfriend now, plus you live with him!" I mentally face palmed myself, because I didnt want to disturb Ian.
I laid there contently, and sighed joyfully as I relived the past few days in my mind. I was in love! Ever since I had been hurt by my last boyfriend, I couldnt bare the thought of being hurt like that again, so I tried to stay away from it all. Even so, I had still found myself getting hurt. The thought of it made me shed a tear and shiver a little. I then heard a yawn behind me, "Good morning Ian." I whispered to him as I turned over. He smiled and pulled me into a tight hug, "I'm glad it wasnt a dream." he si
Smosh and Me! Chapter 14Chapter 14: Ian's P.O.V Feelings Soar!
As I splashed water into both Anthony and Brandy's faces, I couldnt help but laugh. Though, I nearly fell slipping on a rock under the water. "Haha!" Laughed Anthony. Brandy giggled, then went under water to see my foot and to move the rock. "Ha, well, your foots fine, and the rock will no longer cause you displeasure." She mocked in a funny sense as she threw the rock further down the water.
Brandy walked out of the lake, water sliding down her body. She grabbed a towel and turned toward us, "Anthony you brought some drinks right?" she asked. "Yea,in the trunk. Keys are under the towels." She smiled, grabbed the keys, and ran off to the car. I didnt take my eyes off her, but Anthony pushed water into my face. "Ha!" he laughed, "So, tell me what I walked in on." He winked.
I blushed at the thought of Brandy pulled up against me the way I had her, "I dont know what you mean." I spoke. He nudged me and smirked, "You know that's a lie!" he chuckled,
Smosh and Me! Chapter 11Chapter 11: Ian's P.O.V- Another Good Morning
I forgot that I fell asleep outside with Brandy, we were still wearing the same clothes from yesterday. I didnt realize that me and her fell asleep under the stars together, or that she was resting her head on my chest, she looked peaceful in her sleep. I smiled at her and looked up at the sky, it was an orange-red color due to the sun-rise.
Brandy yawned, and lifted her head from my chest, "Oh, I'm sorry for falling asleep on you." She blushed. I smiled and told her, "It's ok, I didnt mind. I was admiring how peaceful you looked." She blushed again, but with a smile. Brandy put her head back down onto my chest, and she faced and stared at me. "Ian," She sighed contently, "this has been the best past few days. I came here expecting to have a fun time hanging out with you guys, but instead, I found someone to love and a best friend." She referring to me and Anthony.
I smiled, but then saddened, "That's right...." I started to think to myself
Smosh and Me! Chapter 15Chapter 15: Anthony's P.O.V Happiness!
I kept glancing at the rear view mirror, and seeing Brandy cuddling on Ian's arm, she looked tired, but i didnt blame her. I also looked at Ian, who was blushing, his face nearly as red as an apple. I would laugh to myself and focus back on the road.
A few minutes later, when we pulled into the driveway of our house, and I heard Ian whisper to me, "Brandy fell asleep on my arm!" I looked back, and there she was, resting her head on Ian's left shoulder, sleeping peacefully. Ian looked at her and smiled happily. I poked him and he turned his head at me, "What?" he snapped. "Haha!" I started as I laughed, "Are you going to wake her up or what?" I then asked taking off my seat belt.
"She looks like she is resting comfortably though." He answered. I laughed and poked her left cheek, and with that she woke up with a shock. "I didnt do it I swear!" she yelled. Ian and I looked at each other and started to chuckle. She laughed when she knew what happened,
Smosh and Me! Chapter 13Chapter 13: Basically Speechless and Water Time
We were basically entranced in the television, watching Pokemon. I saw Ian shake his head and look at the time, "Oh god!" he yelled. Anthony and I looked at him in shock due to the sudden out-burst, "What?!" we yelled in unison. He jumped up from the couch and shouted, "It's only eleven o'clock in the morning!" "Time is moving so slow now!" I whined slumping back into the couch.
Anthony slumped back into the couch as well and sighed, "Well, we could go to a park or a lake or something." I smiled, I hadnt gone swimming in forever! I always got lost in my mind when I was in water, it was soothing. I jumped up next to Ian and happily cheered, "Let's go swimming!" Ian nodded, "Yea!" started Ian in his kid voice, "Can we go please Anthony?!" I laughed and looked at Anthony who chuckled, "Of course Ian!" Ian jumped up and down like a kid and ran to his room. Anthony got up and laughed, "I dont know what you see in him, but I'm sure it's a good
Please, Don'tPlease, don't
You don't realize
What will happen if you do
You speak to thousands
But you listen to no one else
Cut that wrist again
What pain you cause me
You scream for help
But you do not accept it
Don't make me
Build you your coffin
I don't want to paint you
With my misery tears
Don't do it
Life has so much more
To offer you
Just give it time
And times a bitch
But happiness will come
And trust me, it's worth the wait